Well,its bank holiday Monday and this time last year I was so ill I seriously wondered if I would see it this year,or,to be honest,would I see Christmas ?..
I guess if you have got this far in reading my blogspot then reading my comments on my birthday 1st May,you will know of the things driving me.... you might be pleased to know I visited the newly built ASDA superstore at Keighley and although not a ASDA fan it was a milestone I aimed for...today is the grand opening of the new TESCO superstore in Skipton that I have watched being built,I will visit today...another milestone,although I am a Morrisons customer and intend to remain loyal lol.
The Giggleswick Riverside Walk was completed and opened to the public a few weeks ago,another milestone and the pictures are on my website for you all to enjoy here look also when on my site at the Hydro electric power plant that was my next milestone,due to be opened in the next few weeks by (its rumoured) members of Take That,as they have cottages in nearby villages and some members are shareholders of the green scheme.
Have a lovely day everyone...thanks for reading and following my blog.
God bless
xPaulx
Monday, 31 August 2009
Monday, 10 August 2009
Another success.............................
Went to see my consultant this morning at Airedale,had X-Rays taken,good examination by the Doctors,he has told me,there seems no changes since May,my last examination,so.....yippeeeeeee
I am still IN REMISSION
Be happy everyone,but I still feel that somehow the Lord has spared me,and took my son George on the second of July...I miss him so much
I am still IN REMISSION
Be happy everyone,but I still feel that somehow the Lord has spared me,and took my son George on the second of July...I miss him so much
Saturday, 4 July 2009
So sad to say
My eldest son George passed away on Thursday 2nd July 2009 at 0840, after a long illness,he would have been 38 on October 13th,...what else do I say??........................
Rest in peace Number one............................
Rest in peace Number one............................
Tuesday, 23 June 2009
Lasted a month this time......
Well.... as I said in a previous post,I rejoined freedating.co.uk again,for the 5th time in 4 years,hoping it had changed,but alas,with the exception of a very few members (count on one hand) it remains a closed shop....all in their little cliques with I suspect,more action going on in pm or on messengers than actually goes on in the forum,I thought maybe I would get some interaction,some company,but no,they all seem to be the same...in their little playground gangs
Oh well... back to my multi channel telly and my few dedicated friends.
If you are thinking of joining dating sites,take my advice and DON'T lol
Have a good day,stay safe
Oh well... back to my multi channel telly and my few dedicated friends.
If you are thinking of joining dating sites,take my advice and DON'T lol
Have a good day,stay safe
Friday, 29 May 2009
BRILLIANT DAY...........................
I am in REMISSION.............................
Hurrah hurrah hurrah.........................what a great feeling.....
Just back from Oncologist who says I am in remission,carry on as I have been doing stay positive,see me in a year,but chest consultant every 3 months with chest investigations and xrays/bronchoscopes etc.
The tumour is still there,half the size of its original angry size,and it has stayed that size since January,half the size of the cap of an aerosol can,so she cannot say I am cured.
The nuclear scan I had in April reports no 'hot spots' (cancer cell clusters) any where from neck to ankles,they never did brain as its not so long since a brain scan which was ok.
She is really pleased cos as she said " I have really been through a lot,and at the start it was touch and go,but I am looking so well,and gave me a hug,which was nice,shes a really nice lady,soft Irish accent and young lol AND married gggrrrr..
She regrets that they cannot do anything to repair the damaged heart valve except a heart replacement,but that is not a consideration at present as my breathing would cause complications,obviously.
So my friends,a really really big thank you for all your support which without a doubt has kept me going through some really dark times,God bless you all and thank you my forever friends.
Love you
Paul
xx
Hurrah hurrah hurrah.........................what a great feeling.....
Just back from Oncologist who says I am in remission,carry on as I have been doing stay positive,see me in a year,but chest consultant every 3 months with chest investigations and xrays/bronchoscopes etc.
The tumour is still there,half the size of its original angry size,and it has stayed that size since January,half the size of the cap of an aerosol can,so she cannot say I am cured.
The nuclear scan I had in April reports no 'hot spots' (cancer cell clusters) any where from neck to ankles,they never did brain as its not so long since a brain scan which was ok.
She is really pleased cos as she said " I have really been through a lot,and at the start it was touch and go,but I am looking so well,and gave me a hug,which was nice,shes a really nice lady,soft Irish accent and young lol AND married gggrrrr..
She regrets that they cannot do anything to repair the damaged heart valve except a heart replacement,but that is not a consideration at present as my breathing would cause complications,obviously.
So my friends,a really really big thank you for all your support which without a doubt has kept me going through some really dark times,God bless you all and thank you my forever friends.
Love you
Paul
xx
Sunday, 24 May 2009
Sunday 24th May
Oh well, another boring weekend... I was all ready at 0745 on Friday for my patient transport,it was late, so as normal,I rang the transport office,they had no appointment for my collection,yet I had the letter... oh well...wait till secretaries arrive in their offices at 0830 in Airdale and Leeds hospitals to find out why.
After numerous phone calls,it was found that the Oncologists secretary sent me the appointment date letter with transport details,but failed to tell the transport desk.
She apologizes profusely....."its ok" I said,but under my breath I thought.... I wonder how YOU would feel,waiting to get news from the Oncologist about your cancer...life or death... and having to wait yet ANOTHER week??
Cant be helped,also I tried to rejoin an old chat sites a few weeks ago and after a few days,still met hostilities head on,I really cannot understand why,after all,its the main reason I started this blog years ago,to explain about the real me,and my quietness and inability to mix due to my childhood abuse and experiences...so its not been a good weekend...why am I hated so much when I am so full of kindnesses?.I suppose I ought to be use to it at my age but will I ever???
Glad my blog is there as a silent listener to my thoughts.....
After numerous phone calls,it was found that the Oncologists secretary sent me the appointment date letter with transport details,but failed to tell the transport desk.
She apologizes profusely....."its ok" I said,but under my breath I thought.... I wonder how YOU would feel,waiting to get news from the Oncologist about your cancer...life or death... and having to wait yet ANOTHER week??
Cant be helped,also I tried to rejoin an old chat sites a few weeks ago and after a few days,still met hostilities head on,I really cannot understand why,after all,its the main reason I started this blog years ago,to explain about the real me,and my quietness and inability to mix due to my childhood abuse and experiences...so its not been a good weekend...why am I hated so much when I am so full of kindnesses?.I suppose I ought to be use to it at my age but will I ever???
Glad my blog is there as a silent listener to my thoughts.....
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
Good news
Hello my friends,how good do I feel?.....
Today I had to go for the results of my PET scan that I had on April 14th,the scan is where they feed you nuclear isotope on glucose via intravenous drip,and after allowing it to flood the body,they take thousands of 3D pictures of the whole body from neck to feet,the idea is,that cancer cells gorge themselves on the glucose and take more isotope before ordinary cells have chance to feed,therefore,when scan is taken,any clusters of angry cells,show up like hot spots giving a 3D image of any new growth,anywhere in the body.
The consultant told me,there was no sign of new growth and he was delighted at my progress.
He wanted new X Rays today as a comparison,and wants to see me in 12 weeks,he told me he's pleased with my attitude and recovery rates and said he was not sure what I was doing but keep it up.
Its not only about my attitude and you all know it... its the love and prayers and thoughts received from you all on a regular basis of which I cannot thank you all enough.
My life has literally been in your hands,the hands you all held together in prayer,I love you all and thank you from the bottom of my damaged heart.
All I can do is continue the battle which we have all been part of,and keep our faith.
I still have my Oncologist appointment on May 22nd,I hope SHE is as pleased.
Tarra for now as I am having difficulty seeing the screen...love you all.
Paul
xx
Today I had to go for the results of my PET scan that I had on April 14th,the scan is where they feed you nuclear isotope on glucose via intravenous drip,and after allowing it to flood the body,they take thousands of 3D pictures of the whole body from neck to feet,the idea is,that cancer cells gorge themselves on the glucose and take more isotope before ordinary cells have chance to feed,therefore,when scan is taken,any clusters of angry cells,show up like hot spots giving a 3D image of any new growth,anywhere in the body.
The consultant told me,there was no sign of new growth and he was delighted at my progress.
He wanted new X Rays today as a comparison,and wants to see me in 12 weeks,he told me he's pleased with my attitude and recovery rates and said he was not sure what I was doing but keep it up.
Its not only about my attitude and you all know it... its the love and prayers and thoughts received from you all on a regular basis of which I cannot thank you all enough.
My life has literally been in your hands,the hands you all held together in prayer,I love you all and thank you from the bottom of my damaged heart.
All I can do is continue the battle which we have all been part of,and keep our faith.
I still have my Oncologist appointment on May 22nd,I hope SHE is as pleased.
Tarra for now as I am having difficulty seeing the screen...love you all.
Paul
xx
Friday, 1 May 2009
May 1st 2009
Happy birthday to me.....Happy birthday to me.....
Well here we are...I find it so strange but so exciting....
Years ago,because I never had a birthday celebration,I decided to make my 40th a special day... but I worked as normal 14 hours,it came and went...no big deal... so I decided my 50th would be special with a celebration of reaching the milestone...It came and went,I worked the usual 14 hour day,it passed by again....so I decided,DEFINITELY my 60th would be a day to remember.
If you have been following this blog journey of mine,you will know that on my 60th,last year,the consultant told me I had 6 to 9 months left to live because of lung cancer.
So........having made my peace with God,and arranging my affairs,my friends needs etc and my funeral,I continued,with the help and support of my chosen few hand picked friends,and the medical team,I took on its fight for life.
I set myself little milestones in my mind,also being reminded almost daily by memories and things in the news or around me,that time was ticking and I needed to fight.
Little milestones such as,I wanted to kick Autumn leaves again.....to kick winter snow again.....to toast my turkey with a glass of malt ( a tradition of mine every Christmas) to give thanks for Christmas day.....to hear the bells ring in the New Year.....to visit one of the navy ships I helped prepare for retirement from the fleet.....to visit the garden of remembrance at Aberfan,where,as a young man,I was part of the volunteers that helped dig the school children from the disaster when the coal tip slid onto the school.....to see the clocks be put forwards to BST.....to worship extra at Easter time.....to see friends win their Tribunal cases as they had been treated so unfairly,to spend quality time again driving around,chatting and laughing,one to one,with my Scottish friend again ,to see my dear friends new house completed to see her happy face .....to get a birthday gift for my friends daughter as I am not sure if she really likes me or not,her birthday is the day before mine so if I did,I would only be a day away from MY special day.......to see a friend take a well earned holiday as she was scared to go last year in case I took a turn for the worse.....AND........to celebrate my birthday again.........
In between these major points,small things such as,will I see the new Skipton bus station complete and open,I also got a book of vouchers for a free daily paper for 6 weeks,would I use ALL the vouchers?,I have always wanted a really good telescope to view the heavens,and a guitar because I always wanted to see one on its stand in the corner as I missed all my youth of happy hippy,I wanted to visit the new Asda store when it opened at Keighley,and the new Super Tesco open in Skipton....and see the new beach area around the bridge at Giggleswick,where I feed the ducks....
Well...Autumn came early,so did winter snow,I had my Christmas dinner,I watched the television as the new year was welcomed in from HMS Belfast,a ship I put in mothballs for retirement,for its trip to Tower Bridge,I read ALL my daily papers not a voucher wasted,bought a high powered scope and realized how beautiful heaven is and which star will my soul inhabit,strummed my new acoustic guitar often,each time,returning it to its stands and smiling a smile of missed youth,I traveled the Skipton bus from the new excuse for a station lol,I watched a TV program where a secret millionaire visited Aberfan,whilst there,she visited the memorial gardens,I put all 13 clocks forwards an hour at BST,I worshiped extra for Easter in my church and gave extra thanks,I had wonderful weekend visits from dear friends,saw my friends new house very nearly completed,and had a lovely birthday meal out with friends after a lovely day out with friends in Leeds.......had a wonderful weekend with my Scottish friend,driving around Yorkshire Towns and the Lakes area,laughing and joking,one to one,it was brilliant,my friends daughter was delighted with her gift on her birthday and sent me a lovely text,and my other friend goes on her holiday tomorrow............and here I am,writing my birthday blog entry......
The journey continues.....thanks to you,my very special friends,god bless you all.
Paul......xx
............................Happy birthday to me.....Happy birthday to me.....Happy birthday dear meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee x
PS The new Asda superstore and the Tesco dont get finished till Autumn,so I have to keep fighting,and Giggleswick bridge is days from completion.
Well here we are...I find it so strange but so exciting....
Years ago,because I never had a birthday celebration,I decided to make my 40th a special day... but I worked as normal 14 hours,it came and went...no big deal... so I decided my 50th would be special with a celebration of reaching the milestone...It came and went,I worked the usual 14 hour day,it passed by again....so I decided,DEFINITELY my 60th would be a day to remember.
If you have been following this blog journey of mine,you will know that on my 60th,last year,the consultant told me I had 6 to 9 months left to live because of lung cancer.
So........having made my peace with God,and arranging my affairs,my friends needs etc and my funeral,I continued,with the help and support of my chosen few hand picked friends,and the medical team,I took on its fight for life.
I set myself little milestones in my mind,also being reminded almost daily by memories and things in the news or around me,that time was ticking and I needed to fight.
Little milestones such as,I wanted to kick Autumn leaves again.....to kick winter snow again.....to toast my turkey with a glass of malt ( a tradition of mine every Christmas) to give thanks for Christmas day.....to hear the bells ring in the New Year.....to visit one of the navy ships I helped prepare for retirement from the fleet.....to visit the garden of remembrance at Aberfan,where,as a young man,I was part of the volunteers that helped dig the school children from the disaster when the coal tip slid onto the school.....to see the clocks be put forwards to BST.....to worship extra at Easter time.....to see friends win their Tribunal cases as they had been treated so unfairly,to spend quality time again driving around,chatting and laughing,one to one,with my Scottish friend again ,to see my dear friends new house completed to see her happy face .....to get a birthday gift for my friends daughter as I am not sure if she really likes me or not,her birthday is the day before mine so if I did,I would only be a day away from MY special day.......to see a friend take a well earned holiday as she was scared to go last year in case I took a turn for the worse.....AND........to celebrate my birthday again.........
In between these major points,small things such as,will I see the new Skipton bus station complete and open,I also got a book of vouchers for a free daily paper for 6 weeks,would I use ALL the vouchers?,I have always wanted a really good telescope to view the heavens,and a guitar because I always wanted to see one on its stand in the corner as I missed all my youth of happy hippy,I wanted to visit the new Asda store when it opened at Keighley,and the new Super Tesco open in Skipton....and see the new beach area around the bridge at Giggleswick,where I feed the ducks....
Well...Autumn came early,so did winter snow,I had my Christmas dinner,I watched the television as the new year was welcomed in from HMS Belfast,a ship I put in mothballs for retirement,for its trip to Tower Bridge,I read ALL my daily papers not a voucher wasted,bought a high powered scope and realized how beautiful heaven is and which star will my soul inhabit,strummed my new acoustic guitar often,each time,returning it to its stands and smiling a smile of missed youth,I traveled the Skipton bus from the new excuse for a station lol,I watched a TV program where a secret millionaire visited Aberfan,whilst there,she visited the memorial gardens,I put all 13 clocks forwards an hour at BST,I worshiped extra for Easter in my church and gave extra thanks,I had wonderful weekend visits from dear friends,saw my friends new house very nearly completed,and had a lovely birthday meal out with friends after a lovely day out with friends in Leeds.......had a wonderful weekend with my Scottish friend,driving around Yorkshire Towns and the Lakes area,laughing and joking,one to one,it was brilliant,my friends daughter was delighted with her gift on her birthday and sent me a lovely text,and my other friend goes on her holiday tomorrow............and here I am,writing my birthday blog entry......
The journey continues.....thanks to you,my very special friends,god bless you all.
Paul......xx
............................Happy birthday to me.....Happy birthday to me.....Happy birthday dear meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee x
PS The new Asda superstore and the Tesco dont get finished till Autumn,so I have to keep fighting,and Giggleswick bridge is days from completion.
Monday, 23 March 2009
Crikey
Well..... these steroids... they make me insomniac,been awake since 3am,its 0451 and sat here with a cup of tea.
I must admit they also giving me 'bounce' friends say I am my old chatterbox self,not sure if its the unseasonal spring weather,the daylight increasing,or these pills...I feel positively manic at times....bordering on high lol.
Appetite is raging,its difficult stopping nibbling,as soon as I feel well enough,I want to be hiking to remove these 2 stones almost that I have put on this past 18months,its not me at all carrying a 'stomach',friends say it suits me,but I have kept toned all my life,why spoil it at 60.
Its nice starting a week with a diary clear of medical appointments,it wears your soul down,one appointment after another,another department,yet another professional to chat too,but as I said before,how wonderful we have these dedicated people,and how great the NHS...ok...we all knock it at times,but when something serious rears its ugly head,it all swings into place,for that I am eternally grateful,thank you everyone,and thank YOU all my friends for your unfaultering support,with the exception of the odd 'fair weather friend ' your support pulled me through.Its the same throughout life,thats why we have our little 'boxes' marked friends,marked acquaintances.
I bet I fall asleep on the bus later lol I have to go shopping to collect a Easter gift and a birthday card for a dear friend,I might get a get well soon as she is ill again.
Cheerio for now,love you all.
I must admit they also giving me 'bounce' friends say I am my old chatterbox self,not sure if its the unseasonal spring weather,the daylight increasing,or these pills...I feel positively manic at times....bordering on high lol.
Appetite is raging,its difficult stopping nibbling,as soon as I feel well enough,I want to be hiking to remove these 2 stones almost that I have put on this past 18months,its not me at all carrying a 'stomach',friends say it suits me,but I have kept toned all my life,why spoil it at 60.
Its nice starting a week with a diary clear of medical appointments,it wears your soul down,one appointment after another,another department,yet another professional to chat too,but as I said before,how wonderful we have these dedicated people,and how great the NHS...ok...we all knock it at times,but when something serious rears its ugly head,it all swings into place,for that I am eternally grateful,thank you everyone,and thank YOU all my friends for your unfaultering support,with the exception of the odd 'fair weather friend ' your support pulled me through.Its the same throughout life,thats why we have our little 'boxes' marked friends,marked acquaintances.
I bet I fall asleep on the bus later lol I have to go shopping to collect a Easter gift and a birthday card for a dear friend,I might get a get well soon as she is ill again.
Cheerio for now,love you all.
Monday, 16 March 2009
Pleased
Well then,
Went today to Dr Raashed clinic at Airedale,he had a couple of medical students,I dont mind them being there if it helps their education to cure people in the future.
He was pleased at the way it has gone,with results of bronchoscope,and scan pictures although he has reservations hes not 100% sure of,thats the impression I get.
He's recommending another PET scan to see if there are any positive cell clusters lurking elsewhere in my body,if so,then it will be chemotherapy.
I have just finished a course of anti biotic for a chest infection,so the PET will be arranged for 4 weeks,in the meantime,a course of steroids in preparation for 3 weeks.
As long as I dont start eating more or putting on weight,I had put on 3 pounds in the past 3 weeks.
Had a blood test today too,he wanted to check cancer markers this is why (dont forget to hold down Ctrl key (bottom left corner) before left clicking a link,or you will leave the page).
Its a case of the intense radiotherapy fried the lung... so its extremely difficult getting X-Ray pics through the fibrous tissue..(like an old leather bag) lol
Thats why he has to rely on bronchoscopes and pet scans
Thanks everyone for the support,fingers crossed.
Incidentally,he wants me to attend a cancer team meeting,to give my opinions,good OR bad on the treatments and practices I have encountered this past year,for some reason he says I am intelligent lol
Am awaiting letter of invitation and transport arranged for me too,in the educational suite on 30th March
Will let you all know...(I asked if tea and biccies (he laughed) lol wait till he gets my bill for consultancy services) hahahaha
Paul
xx
Went today to Dr Raashed clinic at Airedale,he had a couple of medical students,I dont mind them being there if it helps their education to cure people in the future.
He was pleased at the way it has gone,with results of bronchoscope,and scan pictures although he has reservations hes not 100% sure of,thats the impression I get.
He's recommending another PET scan to see if there are any positive cell clusters lurking elsewhere in my body,if so,then it will be chemotherapy.
I have just finished a course of anti biotic for a chest infection,so the PET will be arranged for 4 weeks,in the meantime,a course of steroids in preparation for 3 weeks.
As long as I dont start eating more or putting on weight,I had put on 3 pounds in the past 3 weeks.
Had a blood test today too,he wanted to check cancer markers this is why (dont forget to hold down Ctrl key (bottom left corner) before left clicking a link,or you will leave the page).
Its a case of the intense radiotherapy fried the lung... so its extremely difficult getting X-Ray pics through the fibrous tissue..(like an old leather bag) lol
Thats why he has to rely on bronchoscopes and pet scans
Thanks everyone for the support,fingers crossed.
Incidentally,he wants me to attend a cancer team meeting,to give my opinions,good OR bad on the treatments and practices I have encountered this past year,for some reason he says I am intelligent lol
Am awaiting letter of invitation and transport arranged for me too,in the educational suite on 30th March
Will let you all know...(I asked if tea and biccies (he laughed) lol wait till he gets my bill for consultancy services) hahahaha
Paul
xx
Monday, 9 March 2009
Disappointment
Well now,
As I said about my bronchoscope the other week,the consultant Dr Raashed told me,if they found cause for concern,they would ring me on the Friday to make appointment to the Monday clinic to discuss it.
I never got any calls or letters so we all thought GREAT....
Early today,patient transport arrived to take me to his clinic,I never knew anything about it,no calls,no letters,nothing...the driver couldn't wait as I wasn't ready,as I knew nothing at all about it.
I rang his secretary and the clinic to tell them,they said letter was sent on the 25th, the day after my bronchoscope, so it must be urgent!!!it must be lost in the post.
They are telling Dr Raashed and I hope he can arrange for NEXT Monday.....mean while,I am seeing my GP tomorrow,so maybe he can tell me any results.
More fingers crossed please
Dam,Dam...I was getting so pleased too
Paul
xx
As I said about my bronchoscope the other week,the consultant Dr Raashed told me,if they found cause for concern,they would ring me on the Friday to make appointment to the Monday clinic to discuss it.
I never got any calls or letters so we all thought GREAT....
Early today,patient transport arrived to take me to his clinic,I never knew anything about it,no calls,no letters,nothing...the driver couldn't wait as I wasn't ready,as I knew nothing at all about it.
I rang his secretary and the clinic to tell them,they said letter was sent on the 25th, the day after my bronchoscope, so it must be urgent!!!it must be lost in the post.
They are telling Dr Raashed and I hope he can arrange for NEXT Monday.....mean while,I am seeing my GP tomorrow,so maybe he can tell me any results.
More fingers crossed please
Dam,Dam...I was getting so pleased too
Paul
xx
Saturday, 21 February 2009
Can YOU help???
PINK JULIE
Ok everyone,you all know me,if I see something worth while,then I shout about it.
I kept seeing this pink car around Craven,plastered in stickers,I read them a few times in Morrisons car park...poor lass I thought,I know what shes going through,so......whats it all about???........
Its about Julie and other sufferers and bone marrow and blood transfusions and fund raising and awareness and and and PHEW................ ok log onto her supporters website and see what YOU can do....go on....ya kna ya wanna!!!!
PINK JULIE
Also,while you are all doing nothing hahaha....log onto here and light a candle for friends.....
Light a candle dont forget search groups (top left) my group is P.A.T
Dont forget to hold down Ctrl (bottom left of keyboard) as you left click links,or you will get booted off the page....but ya knew that didn't ya???
Tarra
God bless
Paul
xx
Ok everyone,you all know me,if I see something worth while,then I shout about it.
I kept seeing this pink car around Craven,plastered in stickers,I read them a few times in Morrisons car park...poor lass I thought,I know what shes going through,so......whats it all about???........
Its about Julie and other sufferers and bone marrow and blood transfusions and fund raising and awareness and and and PHEW................ ok log onto her supporters website and see what YOU can do....go on....ya kna ya wanna!!!!
PINK JULIE
Also,while you are all doing nothing hahaha....log onto here and light a candle for friends.....
Light a candle dont forget search groups (top left) my group is P.A.T
Dont forget to hold down Ctrl (bottom left of keyboard) as you left click links,or you will get booted off the page....but ya knew that didn't ya???
Tarra
God bless
Paul
xx
Monday, 16 February 2009
Monday 16th Feb
Hello there,
Just back from seeing the consultant Dr.Raashed,nice chap,he was really pleased about the ultra sound last Thursday and no need for lymph node biopsy.
The scan pictures the week prior,looked,as I said to a few of you,quite blotchy,well,he said it was the lung that had really been radically fried,and therefore it was not possible to detect any tumour growth or not,so,to be on the safe side,he wants me in hospital for a bronchoscope (camera down,and samples) on 24th of this month.
Its the only way he can be sure whats going on.
He has meetings with my team on the Friday,and if the broncho is clear,he will see me in 3 months for more tests,if not,he will telephone me to attend the clinic to see him on the Monday.
So....fingers crossed again.
Cheers,thanks for all the good wishes
Paul
xx
love you all.
Just back from seeing the consultant Dr.Raashed,nice chap,he was really pleased about the ultra sound last Thursday and no need for lymph node biopsy.
The scan pictures the week prior,looked,as I said to a few of you,quite blotchy,well,he said it was the lung that had really been radically fried,and therefore it was not possible to detect any tumour growth or not,so,to be on the safe side,he wants me in hospital for a bronchoscope (camera down,and samples) on 24th of this month.
Its the only way he can be sure whats going on.
He has meetings with my team on the Friday,and if the broncho is clear,he will see me in 3 months for more tests,if not,he will telephone me to attend the clinic to see him on the Monday.
So....fingers crossed again.
Cheers,thanks for all the good wishes
Paul
xx
love you all.
Saturday, 14 February 2009
February 14th 2009
Happy Saint Valentines Day.... Love is all around you (dont forget to hold down Ctrl key (bottom left corner) before left clicking a link,or you will leave the page)
Just thought you might be interested that at 11am GMT today,it is 40 years since I left the Royal Navy....
Have a good day everyone.
Love
Paul
xx
Just thought you might be interested that at 11am GMT today,it is 40 years since I left the Royal Navy....
Have a good day everyone.
Love
Paul
xx
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Thursday 12th
Well my friends,today I had to go for my ultra sound and needle biopsy on my lymph nodes that arer swollen on my neck.
After a really good ultra sound reading,the radiographer said the lymph looks clear of any cancer or tumour mass of any description and all he can see is enlarged salaver glands.
We think that,when they did intense radiotherapy,it also fried some of my gullet as previously mentioned,causing nausia and sickness,although that is getting to be less of a problem lately.
Along with the nausia is an excess of salaver,so I think the glands have been over worked.
But thank the lord no spread of cancer cells,and thank YOU all too for your continued prayers,my life is in your hands,bless you all
Paul
xx
P.S. Appointment is through to see Dr Raashed on Monday coming at 1100am...will find out scan results.
After a really good ultra sound reading,the radiographer said the lymph looks clear of any cancer or tumour mass of any description and all he can see is enlarged salaver glands.
We think that,when they did intense radiotherapy,it also fried some of my gullet as previously mentioned,causing nausia and sickness,although that is getting to be less of a problem lately.
Along with the nausia is an excess of salaver,so I think the glands have been over worked.
But thank the lord no spread of cancer cells,and thank YOU all too for your continued prayers,my life is in your hands,bless you all
Paul
xx
P.S. Appointment is through to see Dr Raashed on Monday coming at 1100am...will find out scan results.
Monday, 9 February 2009
Wasted journey?
Well...its Monday,I went all that way to see the consultant,he said hello,good morning,did you have your scan?,I said yes,and I have a biopsy on Thursday...which Thursday?,he said...THIS Thursday said I...OH!...ok....I better see you NEXT Monday,sorry for the confusion.
gggrrrrrrrrrrr
More fingers crossed please .............. as it stops nail biting lol
P
xx
gggrrrrrrrrrrr
More fingers crossed please .............. as it stops nail biting lol
P
xx
Saturday, 7 February 2009
Thursday's mail
Well....
As I said last week,Dr Raashed told me,if any abnormalities show up on the scans again,especially the lymph nodes on my neck which are swelling quite a lot,then he will order a biopsy.
Todays mail brought appointment for biopsies on Thursday 12th at 1130,(day before Friday the 13th) lol....good job I am not superstitious touch wood touch wood shakespeare,click fingers, hahaha
I expect he will tell me all about the scans on Monday when I see him next.......
More fingers crossed please...(bet you lot are getting fed up)
P
xx
As I said last week,Dr Raashed told me,if any abnormalities show up on the scans again,especially the lymph nodes on my neck which are swelling quite a lot,then he will order a biopsy.
Todays mail brought appointment for biopsies on Thursday 12th at 1130,(day before Friday the 13th) lol....good job I am not superstitious touch wood touch wood shakespeare,click fingers, hahaha
I expect he will tell me all about the scans on Monday when I see him next.......
More fingers crossed please...(bet you lot are getting fed up)
P
xx
Friday, 30 January 2009
Scan day
I needed to chat to my blog today,all my life,right from my abused childhood,I have put on a brave couldn't care less face...my shield against everything.
Today...I'm scared...I feel like running away but there is nowhere to run to,I know I should stay positive but I feel as if I am now on a conveyer belt, heading towards a crusher..... I hope today is not the start of the end.
Tarra....will let you all know as usual...sorry if I seem negative today....I even prayed but could not feel Gods presence,but thats daft cos hes always there for everyone.....sorry God x
P
love you all
xx
Afternoon edit............
Well I went for several scans,must wait now till February 9th for consultants results...fingers crossed.
About me feeling scared this morning,well.... I got to the hospital waiting room and picked up a very old magazine,expecting to read about the relief of Mafekin,I opened it to read wise words from Nelson Mandella.
quote "The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid,but he who conquers fear"unquote......
Today I felt a brave man......thank you God...
Today...I'm scared...I feel like running away but there is nowhere to run to,I know I should stay positive but I feel as if I am now on a conveyer belt, heading towards a crusher..... I hope today is not the start of the end.
Tarra....will let you all know as usual...sorry if I seem negative today....I even prayed but could not feel Gods presence,but thats daft cos hes always there for everyone.....sorry God x
P
love you all
xx
Afternoon edit............
Well I went for several scans,must wait now till February 9th for consultants results...fingers crossed.
About me feeling scared this morning,well.... I got to the hospital waiting room and picked up a very old magazine,expecting to read about the relief of Mafekin,I opened it to read wise words from Nelson Mandella.
quote "The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid,but he who conquers fear"unquote......
Today I felt a brave man......thank you God...
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Twenty second
Bit scared today.... I was not feeling too bad after yesterday when I had a really bad turn in the shower,similar to the one I had in July last year when my lung reinflated.
Not sure if same happened yesterday but my breathing felt a little better and was easier to cough debris up (yuk...sorry)
Wasn't feeling too bad this morning,walking to papershop I coughed gently,knew I had cleared debri and found a drain in the gutter to discreetly get rid..(you would be suprised how many tissues I buy).....there was bright red clot of blood,it scared me,I was dreading a day when that happened when I had not been straining myself to cause blood vessels to rupture.... I'm praying its not another step closer in this terrible disease and that its only a little 'show'.....fingers crossed.
Sorry to post but I'm a bit scared and needed to get it off my chest (no pun intended).
Take care everyone
Loves you all................................
Not sure if same happened yesterday but my breathing felt a little better and was easier to cough debris up (yuk...sorry)
Wasn't feeling too bad this morning,walking to papershop I coughed gently,knew I had cleared debri and found a drain in the gutter to discreetly get rid..(you would be suprised how many tissues I buy).....there was bright red clot of blood,it scared me,I was dreading a day when that happened when I had not been straining myself to cause blood vessels to rupture.... I'm praying its not another step closer in this terrible disease and that its only a little 'show'.....fingers crossed.
Sorry to post but I'm a bit scared and needed to get it off my chest (no pun intended).
Take care everyone
Loves you all................................
Publish Post
Monday, 19 January 2009
Monday 19th January,New year,2009
Hello everyone,
Oh well...first visit to the chest consultant this year was today,I had to tell him about pains in my back and neck,breathlessness returning,both arms pins and needles,pain in ribs and chest and feeling bruised on the side of neck similar to tonsilitis.
I had new chest X rays due which were taken,they showed lots more clouding which Mr Raashed was not to happy with.
He told me the radical intense radio therapy last year we all knew about the collateral damage it would do,my gullet is still causing me nausea,and so the clouding he said,lots were scaring and fibrosis hardening through RT,but he didn't really like the look or the amount of it in conjunction with the other returning symptoms.
I could tell by his attitude also...last year it was " we will give you intense radiotherapy to kill it,keep your faith"...today was " well,surgery would have helped a lot more,but you were too weak to have it,plus there was heart damage to a valve,plus a tumour growing parallel to the main artery...so we had to do RT,which we all knew was only 40% chance of success". HUH !
Anyway...he arranged a CT scan in the next 2 weeks if I wanted it,plus he examined my neck telling me there was swollen lymph glands,which he wasn't happy with and asked if he could arrange a needle biopsy at same time as the scan,I agreed of course.
He said,he will see me in 3 weeks,and see the results of CT/biopsy,and then arrange for me to be admitted again overnight for a bronchoscope again,same as I had before,the one which produced the picture of the tumour sat in my left bronchii which is on this blog earlier.
Well my friends,thanks so much for all your thoughts,cards and prayers,they really do mean so much,please dont think I am letting you down...I really really am trying and eating healthily etc...fingers crossed.
I have,since last year,kept mental stepping stones,to aim for in this dangerous river I find myself trying to navigate.
I wanted to kick Autumn leaves again...kick snow again...toast my Christmas day turkey with a small malt....see the new year in.... see the first black president sworn into office...ok so far..... I'm starting to get to a point of,thank you God I awoke this morning...I suppose we all get like this at times.
Its lovely knowing you are all there for me.....tarra for now........... Dont cry for me Argentina....
Oh well...first visit to the chest consultant this year was today,I had to tell him about pains in my back and neck,breathlessness returning,both arms pins and needles,pain in ribs and chest and feeling bruised on the side of neck similar to tonsilitis.
I had new chest X rays due which were taken,they showed lots more clouding which Mr Raashed was not to happy with.
He told me the radical intense radio therapy last year we all knew about the collateral damage it would do,my gullet is still causing me nausea,and so the clouding he said,lots were scaring and fibrosis hardening through RT,but he didn't really like the look or the amount of it in conjunction with the other returning symptoms.
I could tell by his attitude also...last year it was " we will give you intense radiotherapy to kill it,keep your faith"...today was " well,surgery would have helped a lot more,but you were too weak to have it,plus there was heart damage to a valve,plus a tumour growing parallel to the main artery...so we had to do RT,which we all knew was only 40% chance of success". HUH !
Anyway...he arranged a CT scan in the next 2 weeks if I wanted it,plus he examined my neck telling me there was swollen lymph glands,which he wasn't happy with and asked if he could arrange a needle biopsy at same time as the scan,I agreed of course.
He said,he will see me in 3 weeks,and see the results of CT/biopsy,and then arrange for me to be admitted again overnight for a bronchoscope again,same as I had before,the one which produced the picture of the tumour sat in my left bronchii which is on this blog earlier.
Well my friends,thanks so much for all your thoughts,cards and prayers,they really do mean so much,please dont think I am letting you down...I really really am trying and eating healthily etc...fingers crossed.
I have,since last year,kept mental stepping stones,to aim for in this dangerous river I find myself trying to navigate.
I wanted to kick Autumn leaves again...kick snow again...toast my Christmas day turkey with a small malt....see the new year in.... see the first black president sworn into office...ok so far..... I'm starting to get to a point of,thank you God I awoke this morning...I suppose we all get like this at times.
Its lovely knowing you are all there for me.....tarra for now........... Dont cry for me Argentina....
Friday, 31 October 2008
Time marches on.....forever friends.........
I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging backside. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my father!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my interesting life that shaped me into the person I became, my family for less grey hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra biscuit, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly terracotta ornament that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's & 70's, and, if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .. I will.
I will walk the beach in swimming trunks that are stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set and the young and fit. They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning grey or 'salt N pepper', and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silvery.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer any questions, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall indulge myself every single day.
(If I feel like it)For as long as I can.
MAY YOUR FRIENDSHIPS NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!
FRIENDS FOREVER ARE IMPORTANT..........Thank you for being my friends x
Thursday, 30 October 2008
Doctors follow on from yesterday October 30th
Well.....
My GP asked if I minded 2 young medical students sitting in on my update,of course I didn't,but he never brought out the tea and biccies...
I brought him upto date as he asked,he listened to my chest,satisfactory considering he said,the students listened,and nodded...I never had the heart to tell them that they had their stethoscopes plugged in wrong end lol hahahaha.....
Anyways,he had the reports that my chest chappy had on Monday,and was pleased no sign of a stroke on the brain scan...I was only too pleased they found a brain!!!! gulp...............
I asked about some of my medication...he answered that he can change one of my stomach mixes to ease the nausea,my heart pills he can increase the strengthener but not the blood thinner as it would cause risk to BP dropping low....I have to have a blood test next week,to ensure no kidney damage so far from my heart pills,then see him a week after that,to determine if I can increase the pills.
He explained about the close watch on my tumour and remaining lung part,and told me he is there anytime day or night....so is my macmillan team.
I asked why no scan report about the tumour around my main artery,he was baffled too,so he's contacting the radiographer to get report.
I asked if they now planned to fix my damaged heart valve....for the first time he looked disappointedly solemn....no Paul sorry....its too much of a risk to you....I could only guess from his twisted lip expression,and twiddles with his pen,that he might agree with what the Oncology centre surgeon said...that it would be the tumour around my artery that would get me......we can only wait and see and carry on with prayers and good thoughts...
Thats all again for now...you are all updated......cheerio for now..take care
Loves you all
Paul
xx
My GP asked if I minded 2 young medical students sitting in on my update,of course I didn't,but he never brought out the tea and biccies...
I brought him upto date as he asked,he listened to my chest,satisfactory considering he said,the students listened,and nodded...I never had the heart to tell them that they had their stethoscopes plugged in wrong end lol hahahaha.....
Anyways,he had the reports that my chest chappy had on Monday,and was pleased no sign of a stroke on the brain scan...I was only too pleased they found a brain!!!! gulp...............
I asked about some of my medication...he answered that he can change one of my stomach mixes to ease the nausea,my heart pills he can increase the strengthener but not the blood thinner as it would cause risk to BP dropping low....I have to have a blood test next week,to ensure no kidney damage so far from my heart pills,then see him a week after that,to determine if I can increase the pills.
He explained about the close watch on my tumour and remaining lung part,and told me he is there anytime day or night....so is my macmillan team.
I asked why no scan report about the tumour around my main artery,he was baffled too,so he's contacting the radiographer to get report.
I asked if they now planned to fix my damaged heart valve....for the first time he looked disappointedly solemn....no Paul sorry....its too much of a risk to you....I could only guess from his twisted lip expression,and twiddles with his pen,that he might agree with what the Oncology centre surgeon said...that it would be the tumour around my artery that would get me......we can only wait and see and carry on with prayers and good thoughts...
Thats all again for now...you are all updated......cheerio for now..take care
Loves you all
Paul
xx
Monday, 27 October 2008
Mondays chest clinic October 27th
Hello everyone,
I know I have not posted anything since my radio therapy finished,but as I said,I had to wait till they thought it had finished working and then they could start assessing the results.
I saw my Oncologist about 5 weeks ago,she arranged more scans,including my brain,to see if it was my spondilosis causing my 'numb' feelings left hand,or brain....I had several MRI scans 3 weeks ago.
Today I saw my chest physician Dr Rasheed,well,actually his under study,but as I have been really upset stomach and sick all morning,I never got much info from him,as I had my head in his wash basin most of the visit lol.
Apparently,more chest X Rays today,confirm,with scans,that the tumour has not been killed off,but he says its encouraging as its reduced in size by almost half,when you consider that,in April,the measurements of the one in my left bronchii was the size of a cap off a aerosol can,YES,THAT BIG lol.....its a good sign.
He tells me,there was no results on his computer about the tumour around my artery,although I had radio therapy,which left me nauseous almost daily or several times a day due to the collateral damage it caused to my gullet.
There is a 'team ' meeting this Friday,to discuss my case,and recommended treatments/actions,and a letter will be sent to my GP,I am now returned to care of GP and Macmillan team from our surgery,although a helpline is still there 24/7 for me.
I see my GP on Thursday,as he wants a 6months update,hope he brings out tea and biccies...you all know what a good story I can relay once I start......
HEY!!!!!
Thanks to you all for being there with prayers and support even though you have all had personal issues to overcome...... bless you all...
Will post again when its neccesary,if anything ermmm unwanted happens,arrangements have been made with someone to post a final message on here for all my fan club hahahahaha
Tarra X
I know I have not posted anything since my radio therapy finished,but as I said,I had to wait till they thought it had finished working and then they could start assessing the results.
I saw my Oncologist about 5 weeks ago,she arranged more scans,including my brain,to see if it was my spondilosis causing my 'numb' feelings left hand,or brain....I had several MRI scans 3 weeks ago.
Today I saw my chest physician Dr Rasheed,well,actually his under study,but as I have been really upset stomach and sick all morning,I never got much info from him,as I had my head in his wash basin most of the visit lol.
Apparently,more chest X Rays today,confirm,with scans,that the tumour has not been killed off,but he says its encouraging as its reduced in size by almost half,when you consider that,in April,the measurements of the one in my left bronchii was the size of a cap off a aerosol can,YES,THAT BIG lol.....its a good sign.
He tells me,there was no results on his computer about the tumour around my artery,although I had radio therapy,which left me nauseous almost daily or several times a day due to the collateral damage it caused to my gullet.
There is a 'team ' meeting this Friday,to discuss my case,and recommended treatments/actions,and a letter will be sent to my GP,I am now returned to care of GP and Macmillan team from our surgery,although a helpline is still there 24/7 for me.
I see my GP on Thursday,as he wants a 6months update,hope he brings out tea and biccies...you all know what a good story I can relay once I start......
HEY!!!!!
Thanks to you all for being there with prayers and support even though you have all had personal issues to overcome...... bless you all...
Will post again when its neccesary,if anything ermmm unwanted happens,arrangements have been made with someone to post a final message on here for all my fan club hahahahaha
Tarra X
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Tuesdays last visit this session.....
Well my friends,today was my last zap,it will keep on working for a few months now internally,some side effects will wear off in a few weeks,some a few months,some are permanent such as shortage of breath because an area of the lung had to be 'fried' to destruction.
A few weeks ago,when the team leader allowed me a few pictures of the restricted treatment area,I told him it was for a blog site,not only for my friends to keep informed,but also for people to see what the treatment etc is to be expected and take away the fear and mystery,as a result,he suggested a few pics of the final zap,that friends could concentrate their thoughts,prayers and healing vibes on rather then their imagination.
I wasn't sure as I thought it would make my site seem more of me me me,but after asking a few of you,you almost demanded that course of action...I told team leader Paul,and he agreed 3 pics of my last zap session today,within safety restrictions of the treatment area,so here they are.
Any questions,write them on the back of a five pounds note and send them to Macmillan Cancer Support, FREEPOST LON 16080, London, SE1 7BR.
I wish to publicly thank,all the staff of the hospital and in particular everyone on suite LA10,bless you all.
Thank you all for sharing my journey,without you all,there might not have been a full stop to this blog
. (full stop)
A few weeks ago,when the team leader allowed me a few pictures of the restricted treatment area,I told him it was for a blog site,not only for my friends to keep informed,but also for people to see what the treatment etc is to be expected and take away the fear and mystery,as a result,he suggested a few pics of the final zap,that friends could concentrate their thoughts,prayers and healing vibes on rather then their imagination.
I wasn't sure as I thought it would make my site seem more of me me me,but after asking a few of you,you almost demanded that course of action...I told team leader Paul,and he agreed 3 pics of my last zap session today,within safety restrictions of the treatment area,so here they are.
Any questions,write them on the back of a five pounds note and send them to Macmillan Cancer Support, FREEPOST LON 16080, London, SE1 7BR.
I wish to publicly thank,all the staff of the hospital and in particular everyone on suite LA10,bless you all.
Thank you all for sharing my journey,without you all,there might not have been a full stop to this blog
. (full stop)
Friday, 25 July 2008
Friday....thank goodness
I thought they were going to cancel the zap this morning,I was ok till the 2 hours bumpy ride to Leeds,when I got there I was sick,coughing bad,bringing up lots debri and dried blood,and was quite painful,anyway,few drinks of water,few good coughs,a back massage and I was fit enough to lie on the machine....thank goodness.
Back home now looking forwards to a long weekend,no journeys,no zapping,hurrah....its getting quite an ordeal,and it hurts to swallow as my gullet is getting stray zapping as they shoot the tumour wrapped around my main artery,but....if its trying to cure me,why should I complain.
Have a lovely weekend my friends,enjoy and take care of yourselves.
xPx
Back home now looking forwards to a long weekend,no journeys,no zapping,hurrah....its getting quite an ordeal,and it hurts to swallow as my gullet is getting stray zapping as they shoot the tumour wrapped around my main artery,but....if its trying to cure me,why should I complain.
Have a lovely weekend my friends,enjoy and take care of yourselves.
xPx
Thursday, 24 July 2008
Thursday clinic day....my **oncologist**
Hello....it was zap and clinic today,my oncologist is pleased with the progress and says that its now just a case of scanning me regularly and looking for any new growth starting.
She said that after Tuesdays last zap,it will remain working and burning away for 2 - 3 months inside,causing side effects up to a year ahead,some effects such as shortage of breath will be permanent,as they have 'fried' the offending area,it will only show up on a scan now as a heavily scarred area,so.... I asked how I will know if its cured,she says,with regular monitoring and scanning,they can see the damaged lung,if they see a change,it will be the cancer regrowing,and as they cannot zap the same area again,it will be so heavily scarred that it will be a slow growing tumour and therefore give me another 18months to 2 years before it becomes as dangerous as it was last month.
Its all a case of fingers crossed,and keep up our prayers....but please...Im not selfish,I'm grateful for all your prayers and if you need to concentrate your prayers on yourselves or another worthy soul,please do so......I cant keep taking all your energies.....I'm thankful to be carried this far.....bless you all... I really really mean that......
Paul
xx
** In case you wonder its from the Greek onkos (ογκος), meaning bulk, mass, or tumor
She said that after Tuesdays last zap,it will remain working and burning away for 2 - 3 months inside,causing side effects up to a year ahead,some effects such as shortage of breath will be permanent,as they have 'fried' the offending area,it will only show up on a scan now as a heavily scarred area,so.... I asked how I will know if its cured,she says,with regular monitoring and scanning,they can see the damaged lung,if they see a change,it will be the cancer regrowing,and as they cannot zap the same area again,it will be so heavily scarred that it will be a slow growing tumour and therefore give me another 18months to 2 years before it becomes as dangerous as it was last month.
Its all a case of fingers crossed,and keep up our prayers....but please...Im not selfish,I'm grateful for all your prayers and if you need to concentrate your prayers on yourselves or another worthy soul,please do so......I cant keep taking all your energies.....I'm thankful to be carried this far.....bless you all... I really really mean that......
Paul
xx
** In case you wonder its from the Greek onkos (ογκος), meaning bulk, mass, or tumor
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Its Tuesday........22nd
Hello everyone.....I stand there at the hospital reception every day,people watching....there is so much sadness around,poor children ill,not yet had a full life,and teenagers and middle aged,not yet had many experiences,lots of elderly,maybe living alone,in pain....so much sadness......
Anyway...... I feel fortunate to have my friends here,supporting me.....so.... as there seems not a lot to report on my blog about me me me... I wrote a little poem,about all the lonely people,why not???,J.Lennon wrote Eleanor Rigsby........
IMAGINE
Imagine all the raindrops,pitter patter from the sky,
Imagine every one of thems a question asking why,
Imagine all the thoughts you have,when 'er you look around,
Imagine how others feel,when illness they have found,
Imagine all that suffering,imagine all that pain,
Imagine all the prayers they ask,to be well again,
Imagine how the parents feel,of children taken ill,
Imagine that they ask in prayer,if it really is Gods will,
Imagine what this would be like,facing this alone,
Imagine sharing not with friends,on internet or phone,
Imagine keeping this inside,imagine no ones care,
I cant imagine that at all,I love you all,so there.
xPx
Anyway...... I feel fortunate to have my friends here,supporting me.....so.... as there seems not a lot to report on my blog about me me me... I wrote a little poem,about all the lonely people,why not???,J.Lennon wrote Eleanor Rigsby........
IMAGINE
Imagine all the raindrops,pitter patter from the sky,
Imagine every one of thems a question asking why,
Imagine all the thoughts you have,when 'er you look around,
Imagine how others feel,when illness they have found,
Imagine all that suffering,imagine all that pain,
Imagine all the prayers they ask,to be well again,
Imagine how the parents feel,of children taken ill,
Imagine that they ask in prayer,if it really is Gods will,
Imagine what this would be like,facing this alone,
Imagine sharing not with friends,on internet or phone,
Imagine keeping this inside,imagine no ones care,
I cant imagine that at all,I love you all,so there.
xPx
Friday, 18 July 2008
Friday.....
Weekend again...thank goodness for a weekend break./....
Felt really good today,slept wonderfully last night,I think the Morphine helped.When I was climbing off the table after todays treatment,I said,ouch,I think I been laid awkwards...no they said,your radiation burns on your back are getting redder,well... seeing as I cant see for myself,I guess I have to believe them...fancy getting sunburn,with the weather as its been this year haha.
Enjoy your weekends....stay safe...stay positive...
Paul
xx
Felt really good today,slept wonderfully last night,I think the Morphine helped.When I was climbing off the table after todays treatment,I said,ouch,I think I been laid awkwards...no they said,your radiation burns on your back are getting redder,well... seeing as I cant see for myself,I guess I have to believe them...fancy getting sunburn,with the weather as its been this year haha.
Enjoy your weekends....stay safe...stay positive...
Paul
xx
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Thursday.........oh boy...
Long day today,just sat down with my first cuppa since 10 this morn.
The Royal Visit caused chaos galore,patients trapped between floors due to lifts being locked to aid security,I got there ontime for my treatment,dashed through it,and my clinic,only to wander aimlessly,trying to find a way back to transport reception,amongst 100's suits,police,plain clothes and nursing sisters in uniform,I have never seen so many blue and whites,in fact,never knew so many where working in Leeds.
I finally got home at 1845,grabbed a chinese special rice,and added it to a bit of frying steak,onions and mushrooms,I cooked the other night in case lol
My clinic went very well,shes delighted that the left lung is now almost fully inflated again,and agrees that it appears the tumour is losing its grip,she was suprised at the response in so short a session,but I told her I wasnt....if she only knew the crystals,prayers,reiki,angel wings,cards etc etc etc,,,,,,the power of prayer and faith,and for that I thank you all....with tears filling up...thank you.
Shes prescribed morphine for the painful coughing,so few more weeks of your prayers please,till we beat it
tarra
x
The Royal Visit caused chaos galore,patients trapped between floors due to lifts being locked to aid security,I got there ontime for my treatment,dashed through it,and my clinic,only to wander aimlessly,trying to find a way back to transport reception,amongst 100's suits,police,plain clothes and nursing sisters in uniform,I have never seen so many blue and whites,in fact,never knew so many where working in Leeds.
I finally got home at 1845,grabbed a chinese special rice,and added it to a bit of frying steak,onions and mushrooms,I cooked the other night in case lol
My clinic went very well,shes delighted that the left lung is now almost fully inflated again,and agrees that it appears the tumour is losing its grip,she was suprised at the response in so short a session,but I told her I wasnt....if she only knew the crystals,prayers,reiki,angel wings,cards etc etc etc,,,,,,the power of prayer and faith,and for that I thank you all....with tears filling up...thank you.
Shes prescribed morphine for the painful coughing,so few more weeks of your prayers please,till we beat it
tarra
x
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Wednesday.............................
Well hurrah.... they had to rescan,the machine was going frantic around me like a crazed, ballet breakdancing robot,apparently,my lung has inflated further to what it did Monday,my breathings improving,they are quite suprised and pleased,I asked if they thought the tumour was releasing its deadly grip,they said,too early to tell....but could be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gimme some of that lol.
Ok....tomorrow is the Royal visit...they like my poems,do the team,so I wrote one about Princess Anne's visit,I hope you all like it,cos they did lol.
Take care....luffs ya lots...x
Ok....tomorrow is the Royal visit...they like my poems,do the team,so I wrote one about Princess Anne's visit,I hope you all like it,cos they did lol.
Take care....luffs ya lots...x
ROYAL VISIT
Shall we WAVE a flag and say HOW DO,to our Royal Prinny Anne,
When she walks around with hundreds, with her long face ,like she can,
Will she see the SADNESS ,of the patients lives, BOO HOO,
Or just an orchestrated line, of red of white of blue,
Will they show me topless on accelerater, ten,
Fire lines of lime green lasers, let her say the countdown WHEN,
I hope she aint embarrassed if she sees my nipples three,
Or they cure me of cancer then off to Tower me...
xPx
When she walks around with hundreds, with her long face ,like she can,
Will she see the SADNESS ,of the patients lives, BOO HOO,
Or just an orchestrated line, of red of white of blue,
Will they show me topless on accelerater, ten,
Fire lines of lime green lasers, let her say the countdown WHEN,
I hope she aint embarrassed if she sees my nipples three,
Or they cure me of cancer then off to Tower me...
xPx
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Tuesday update............................
Well my friends,today I was able to have a good zap...they started the day scanning me to see if anything from yesterday had worsened,but they were happy to say,the upper lobe had inflated further,so it gave them an even better shot at the tumour.
And although still coughing a lot,no more signs of fresh blood,only dried blood among the debris,so it seems,the large amounts I choked on yesterday scratched/strained a little blood vessel,and dramatic froth appeared,I realized it would be ok when I got through the day and hadn't drown in blood lol.
So all put your mourning clothes and hats away...they not needed hahahaha
(all except you old shawl wearers,your excused,as long as you put your knitting down clik clak...(dont set me off again) lol)
The radiographer says,the dose is quite intense,so they expect side effects maybe,to show themselves from now,till the next few years,I have to watch and tell them IF....
Tarra...off for a haircut to thugs'R'us...............
And although still coughing a lot,no more signs of fresh blood,only dried blood among the debris,so it seems,the large amounts I choked on yesterday scratched/strained a little blood vessel,and dramatic froth appeared,I realized it would be ok when I got through the day and hadn't drown in blood lol.
So all put your mourning clothes and hats away...they not needed hahahaha
(all except you old shawl wearers,your excused,as long as you put your knitting down clik clak...(dont set me off again) lol)
The radiographer says,the dose is quite intense,so they expect side effects maybe,to show themselves from now,till the next few years,I have to watch and tell them IF....
Tarra...off for a haircut to thugs'R'us...............
Monday, 14 July 2008
Disappointful day.....
Well my friends,I'm just home at 5 after being out since 0810....not such a good day I'm afraid.
It started at 3am,I awoke feeling a bit rough and tried napping till time to get up at 6,made a cuppa,still felt awful,so thought a nice shower with the steam in its cubicle would help as it sometimes does....oh no..... I started coughing violently,fighting for breath,coughing debris gallore,in between struggling to breath,and I mean debris.....,some was the size of half a sugar cube and almost as hard,it was scarey trying to carry on breathing.
I opened the cubicle door,gasping at fresher air to the steam,still coughing violently,and was scared to see coughing up bright red blood....it looked dramatic on the white shower base....still fighting for breath,almost on my knees,I opened the bathroom door to let more cooler air in...I was really gasping,hanging onto the loo seat,and fighting to suck air...
In the end,I went,still dripping,onto my oxygen,it took 15 minutes to calm,but still coughing debris.
I told the ambulance staff when they collected me to take to my treatment,they monitored me till I got to Leeds,then escorted me to my treatment room.
I told them,and they did a quick table scan,within minutes,they stopped the machine and removed me from the area.
Apparently,last month,the tumour had collapsed the upper lobe of my left lung,and they were zapping THAT image,now,it seems,the lobe has inflated,with it came months of debris and strained blood vessels.
They cancelled todays zap as too dangerous,and sent me for a full in depth body scan,so tomorrow,the team can realign the zapper and lasers to the inflated tumoured lobe,and get direct shots at it,which means,an extra day added to my treatment plan.
It will be a long day again tomorrow,as they set laser markers etc again,and start a new plan.
Apart from that.... it was an ordinary day.....
Take care,dont worry...I'm in excellent hands
Paul xx
It started at 3am,I awoke feeling a bit rough and tried napping till time to get up at 6,made a cuppa,still felt awful,so thought a nice shower with the steam in its cubicle would help as it sometimes does....oh no..... I started coughing violently,fighting for breath,coughing debris gallore,in between struggling to breath,and I mean debris.....,some was the size of half a sugar cube and almost as hard,it was scarey trying to carry on breathing.
I opened the cubicle door,gasping at fresher air to the steam,still coughing violently,and was scared to see coughing up bright red blood....it looked dramatic on the white shower base....still fighting for breath,almost on my knees,I opened the bathroom door to let more cooler air in...I was really gasping,hanging onto the loo seat,and fighting to suck air...
In the end,I went,still dripping,onto my oxygen,it took 15 minutes to calm,but still coughing debris.
I told the ambulance staff when they collected me to take to my treatment,they monitored me till I got to Leeds,then escorted me to my treatment room.
I told them,and they did a quick table scan,within minutes,they stopped the machine and removed me from the area.
Apparently,last month,the tumour had collapsed the upper lobe of my left lung,and they were zapping THAT image,now,it seems,the lobe has inflated,with it came months of debris and strained blood vessels.
They cancelled todays zap as too dangerous,and sent me for a full in depth body scan,so tomorrow,the team can realign the zapper and lasers to the inflated tumoured lobe,and get direct shots at it,which means,an extra day added to my treatment plan.
It will be a long day again tomorrow,as they set laser markers etc again,and start a new plan.
Apart from that.... it was an ordinary day.....
Take care,dont worry...I'm in excellent hands
Paul xx
Friday, 11 July 2008
The Princess Royal Suite
The Princess Royals visit to open Bexley Wing
Ok,if you need excitement and interest,the Princess Royal,The Princess Anne,will officially open the new Oncology Centre at St James Teaching Hospital on Thursday the 17th July,in the afternoon,there obviously is some flag waving and because we are a democracy of free speech,a few mumbles.....not that I have heard any you understand lol.
I only hope that if she visits MY machine whilst I am on it,they will cover my nipples (all three of them) lololll I would hate to offend and be cured of cancer,only to be sent to the Tower hahahaha.
If you want more news about the centre and Her Royal Highness see this link clik
See you laters....off to knit flags....
clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak
are my balls getting smaller?
clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak
Can someone give me a hank as my hands are full.............
Tarra
P
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.......................................................X
I only hope that if she visits MY machine whilst I am on it,they will cover my nipples (all three of them) lololll I would hate to offend and be cured of cancer,only to be sent to the Tower hahahaha.
If you want more news about the centre and Her Royal Highness see this link clik
See you laters....off to knit flags....
clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak
are my balls getting smaller?
clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak clik clak
Can someone give me a hank as my hands are full.............
Tarra
P
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.......................................................X
Thank Flip its Friday,,,,,,,,,,lol
OK........ weekend to recouperate,thank goodness,I really need it too....if you are having treatment,you know what I mean.This bruising internally chest is now in my back too.
Well... I think maybe (fingers crossed,touch wood)its starting to work,the reason I say that is,when they first diagnosed cancer,I thought...'nooo' they mixed my notes up etc,,,,so I did research online,symptoms etc...I found all my symptoms and some I never dreamt possible,one was finger ends/nails changing.
Apparently,your nails and hair is the only part of the anatomy growing constantly,they say,the first week after death its still grown some.
The nails,so I read,go a kind of blue haze,dependant on part of lung etc,ridges grow on them,some look as if they are nail varnished,some split,become brittle all the time,and the finger ends nail angle shape changes,its called club finger.Read here link
I had it a few months ago,it seemed to settle a bit,now,left hand is starting again,blue streaks,ridges,end of nail angles to finger end roundedness,so obviously,as a learned layman,I detect that a major change is taking place in my left lung,(where the main tumour is).
So hopefully,with the internal bruising I feel,now these and the breathless again,I hope its starting to destroy the cancer.
Fingers crossed everyone...AGAIN........love you all.......I really do......
Well... I think maybe (fingers crossed,touch wood)its starting to work,the reason I say that is,when they first diagnosed cancer,I thought...'nooo' they mixed my notes up etc,,,,so I did research online,symptoms etc...I found all my symptoms and some I never dreamt possible,one was finger ends/nails changing.
Apparently,your nails and hair is the only part of the anatomy growing constantly,they say,the first week after death its still grown some.
The nails,so I read,go a kind of blue haze,dependant on part of lung etc,ridges grow on them,some look as if they are nail varnished,some split,become brittle all the time,and the finger ends nail angle shape changes,its called club finger.Read here link
I had it a few months ago,it seemed to settle a bit,now,left hand is starting again,blue streaks,ridges,end of nail angles to finger end roundedness,so obviously,as a learned layman,I detect that a major change is taking place in my left lung,(where the main tumour is).
So hopefully,with the internal bruising I feel,now these and the breathless again,I hope its starting to destroy the cancer.
Fingers crossed everyone...AGAIN........love you all.......I really do......
Thursday, 10 July 2008
Thursday night.........
Phew..... bit tired,still bruised..... its to be expected..
The consultant today at my clinic after zap,told me it all seems to be going along well...shes happy she says,and I look like I'm managing the extra strains.
Also the brain scan taken last Tuesday because of left arm/hands numb,tingles...I told her Im sure its muscular on account of the grotesque deformity my body is held at,to get the zapper shot..
She agreed as the bran scan shows nothing,no marks,swollen blood vessels,no signs of stroke..
Shes doing another one in two weeks,with a full body nuclear scan,and my neck as well,as the course session finishes,
Apparently,sessions end July 28th,but the radiation continues working internally for 4-6 weeks.
Ok....thats my update,so no more worries OK
Take care of each other for me...you are all important
.......x
The consultant today at my clinic after zap,told me it all seems to be going along well...shes happy she says,and I look like I'm managing the extra strains.
Also the brain scan taken last Tuesday because of left arm/hands numb,tingles...I told her Im sure its muscular on account of the grotesque deformity my body is held at,to get the zapper shot..
She agreed as the bran scan shows nothing,no marks,swollen blood vessels,no signs of stroke..
Shes doing another one in two weeks,with a full body nuclear scan,and my neck as well,as the course session finishes,
Apparently,sessions end July 28th,but the radiation continues working internally for 4-6 weeks.
Ok....thats my update,so no more worries OK
Take care of each other for me...you are all important
.......x
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
It's Wednesday,midweek.....hurrah
Well.....,
I was feeling a little sore in the chest area and wanted a bit of advice,I had been looking for this sunburn effect,they told me to expect,the reason this high factor moisure cream is applied after each session,but couldn't detect any,untill I took my top off in the dressing room prior to going into my machine area,the cold light in there showed up a largish area of fine veins/blood vessels,brought to the surface mid chest area,its not sore,but it feels bruised internally.
I mentioned it (as I'm told too,not cos I'm a wimp),its ok,thats the exact area we are zapping you...well...she said treating,but you know what these college educated are like hahahaha,
Anyway,it feels really bruised inside,and the seat belt of the transport home nipped a bit,I put my left hand tween belt and my shoulder to lift it away ....
Its only to be expected.
Tomorrow is zap and clinic,so I hope for more news to tell......tarra................ luffs ya all x
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
Hello my friends....
Just a quick update,I am starting to feel a bit washed out,bashed about,they say its normal,I was glad of the weekend rest away from daily 5 hours travelling and getting Zapped midway through the day.
I never really did much over the weekend,as I was too listless,I even paid the local shop prices rather then go through to Skipton for good supermarket bargains.
They tell you to report everything,so I reported a numbness of fingers left hand and sort of pins and needles left arm,she brought the Oncologist to see me yesterday,who arranged a brain scan to be on the safe side,I will get results Thursday afternoon at her clinic.
I also had a updated scan today,results Thursday as well.
The big boss Radiographer when I asked if brain scan was ok,said he wasnt a Doctor
I said yes,,,,but you tell doctors results lol
He told me,there was nothing major that jumped out significantly from the brain scan.
I said cheers...good lad...(at my age I can call them ALL,good lad.
It just proves how 'on the ball' my team is,mention a prob,next day scan.
Dont ever call the NHS to me...its as old as me,well Im a few months older,,,Cheers Naieve Bevin...Im glad you left the coal pits...
Thanks everyone for your support,its important...x
I never really did much over the weekend,as I was too listless,I even paid the local shop prices rather then go through to Skipton for good supermarket bargains.
They tell you to report everything,so I reported a numbness of fingers left hand and sort of pins and needles left arm,she brought the Oncologist to see me yesterday,who arranged a brain scan to be on the safe side,I will get results Thursday afternoon at her clinic.
I also had a updated scan today,results Thursday as well.
The big boss Radiographer when I asked if brain scan was ok,said he wasnt a Doctor
I said yes,,,,but you tell doctors results lol
He told me,there was nothing major that jumped out significantly from the brain scan.
I said cheers...good lad...(at my age I can call them ALL,good lad.
It just proves how 'on the ball' my team is,mention a prob,next day scan.
Dont ever call the NHS to me...its as old as me,well Im a few months older,,,Cheers Naieve Bevin...Im glad you left the coal pits...
Thanks everyone for your support,its important...x
Thursday, 3 July 2008
Radiotherapy..... A poem
A few pictures of my treatment room and Linear Accelerator machine,they allowed me a few pics,if you look closely,you might see a few of the green lasers used for lining up the machine,they lock on to the little green dots(lights) on the machine that enable the computers to control the machine as it slowly moves in silent powerful dance around my body,in a graceful,curing ballet.
When the machine is switched on,and I am the only one in the unprotected part of the room,lasers are criss crossing everywhere from ceilings walls and floors....
RADIOTHERAPY
The donut ,of surgical steel,how your probing eye sees why I feel,
Taking pictures of the hidden depths,with accuracy of vapoured breaths,
Finding clusters,stains and strife,alerting them to save my life,
I lie and watch your ballet dance,around my body's,wondered trance,
And now I lay,in laser lines,as space age knowledge re defines,
The way my body ought to be,evicts the alien from me,
I lie there still,as measured dots,as lines are drawn between what nots,
Looking up at lime green lasers,of accuracy like star wars phasers,
And millimeters marked they said,the numbers resting in my head,
Head and shoulders,in a groove,in silence promise not to move,
I switch my thoughts from pain and sorrow till I hear them......see you Paul ....tomorrow.
xPx
Tuesday, 1 July 2008
Leeds Cancer Centre
THE St JAMES INSTITUTE
Of ONCOLOGY LEEDS
Of ONCOLOGY LEEDS
Well today I started my intense radiotherapy at the Bexley wing of St James teaching hospital Leeds...it is only about a third built and its already created its own landscaped village,and when finished,it will be the premier cancer centre of Europe.
The few photographs that some of you have asked for,do NOT really give it justice,everywhere you walk,look,sit, is astounding, awesome,eyecatching,and soothing and calm,there are even internet cafe,restaurants of differing cultures,aromatherapist,acapuncturists and spiritual healing rooms as alternate therapy.
There are comfy arm chairs, designer sofas,bean bags even,in spacious waiting rooms with bright windows leading onto designer landscaped gardens and patios,there are free iced water machines,and there are reasonably priced vending machines catering for your every wish.
There are cafés,restaurants,coffee bars,brunch bars,banking facilities,its all an absolute dream of NHS in action.
I will add more pics as I go along,as I never took my memory card so was limited to the first 14 pics of the approach.
To see this place is to believe,and I ,like thousands of others,believe that cancer,caught early enough,is now curable more and more,for that we thank God.
My one wish....you never get to visit it ............................
Treatment day......
If I said I wasn't worried,would I lie?,
How my mind my heart my soul has waited, for this first day of July,
Will invisible rays of healing make me well?,
Or just another ticket to the door marked Heaven/Hell,
Think positive I shouted with my silent fears last night,
As I laid in lonely darkness,and hugged myself in fright,
I know my friends are praying,and all got fingers crossed,
So I must be very strong,or their hard work will be lost,
Please forgive my brief encounter with this questioning of why,
But why should it be only girls and little boys who cry?.
xPx
How my mind my heart my soul has waited, for this first day of July,
Will invisible rays of healing make me well?,
Or just another ticket to the door marked Heaven/Hell,
Think positive I shouted with my silent fears last night,
As I laid in lonely darkness,and hugged myself in fright,
I know my friends are praying,and all got fingers crossed,
So I must be very strong,or their hard work will be lost,
Please forgive my brief encounter with this questioning of why,
But why should it be only girls and little boys who cry?.
xPx
Sunday, 29 June 2008
Friends
Dear God...I know you're watching over me,and I'm feeling truly blessed,
For no matter what I pray for,you always know what's best!,
I have this circle of hand picked friends,who mean so much to me,
Some days I 'send' and 'send' them text,at other times, I let them be,
I am so blessed to have these friends,with whom I've grown so close,
So this little poem I dedicate to them,because to me they are the Most,
When I see each name download,and view the message they have sent,
I know they've thought of me that day,and 'well wished' their intent,
So to you, my friends, I would like to say,thank you for being a part,
Of all my daily contacts,this comes right from my heart,
God bless you, is my prayer today,I'm honoured to call you 'friend',
I pray that God will keep us safe,until we txt again.
xPx
For no matter what I pray for,you always know what's best!,
I have this circle of hand picked friends,who mean so much to me,
Some days I 'send' and 'send' them text,at other times, I let them be,
I am so blessed to have these friends,with whom I've grown so close,
So this little poem I dedicate to them,because to me they are the Most,
When I see each name download,and view the message they have sent,
I know they've thought of me that day,and 'well wished' their intent,
So to you, my friends, I would like to say,thank you for being a part,
Of all my daily contacts,this comes right from my heart,
God bless you, is my prayer today,I'm honoured to call you 'friend',
I pray that God will keep us safe,until we txt again.
xPx
Friday, 27 June 2008
Veterans Day
Well today I feel bit down,I had planned to attend UK's first Veterans Day,and ,although I received my medal early in the year,I was looking forwards to going to Blackpool,as my friends know,I go to Blackpool often.
I was really looking forwards to seeing all the events planned and yes,was looking forwards to marching with my old comrades... unfortunately,Im not up to it,and all though I suppose there will be lots and lots in a worse position then me,I also have been told to rest up before my intense radiotherapy next week for the whole of July,also I have a medical appointment arranged by my solicitor, in connection with my past employment with asbestos.
Also,my GP rang yesterday to say,the blood test he had done last Tuesday,to see if the new heart pills are affecting my kidneys,shows they are,so I have to have another on Monday,if its still bad,I really dont know what they plan,I hope they dont take me off the heart pills,they made me feel so much better,before them,I was just an invalid,sleeping most of the time,or sat with my oxygen mask on....we will see,fingers crossed again.
So.... any ex UK forces out there,I salute you,brother in arms.Any OTHER world forces,I salute YOU too,god bless you all...amen
I was really looking forwards to seeing all the events planned and yes,was looking forwards to marching with my old comrades... unfortunately,Im not up to it,and all though I suppose there will be lots and lots in a worse position then me,I also have been told to rest up before my intense radiotherapy next week for the whole of July,also I have a medical appointment arranged by my solicitor, in connection with my past employment with asbestos.
Also,my GP rang yesterday to say,the blood test he had done last Tuesday,to see if the new heart pills are affecting my kidneys,shows they are,so I have to have another on Monday,if its still bad,I really dont know what they plan,I hope they dont take me off the heart pills,they made me feel so much better,before them,I was just an invalid,sleeping most of the time,or sat with my oxygen mask on....we will see,fingers crossed again.
So.... any ex UK forces out there,I salute you,brother in arms.Any OTHER world forces,I salute YOU too,god bless you all...amen
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
Happy Birthday
Do you know its Paddington Bears 50th birthday today.... I think hes the original 'hoody' he has a website too,just to lighten up this blog.... have a nice day,going for my marmalade sandwich see thee.......x
Tuesday, 24 June 2008
Stop worrying please lol
You really are a special lot,to worry as you do,
If you dont see updates on this blog you go boo hoo,
Please dont worry,Im ok,Im same as you,with a bad/good day,
I just decided,not to bore,you have YOUR lives,I know the score,
I decided just to put main things,you know,the kind that makes phone rings,
You really dont need daily drivel,you have your own pains too,
If worried,then just contact me,I will reply to you.
Loves you all
xPx
If you dont see updates on this blog you go boo hoo,
Please dont worry,Im ok,Im same as you,with a bad/good day,
I just decided,not to bore,you have YOUR lives,I know the score,
I decided just to put main things,you know,the kind that makes phone rings,
You really dont need daily drivel,you have your own pains too,
If worried,then just contact me,I will reply to you.
Loves you all
xPx
Wednesday, 18 June 2008
Wednesday June 18th
Well hello,
Its Wednesday,the day of the race has arrived at last and I am feeling a little apprehensive,the thoughts of the unknown,people to meet on my new treatment team,new machines to understand,new hopes of a cure....lets hope my prayers and the very many from my friends are answered.
Not sure if treatment starts today,or if,as I suspect,its the intoduction day as in the information given to me by Dr Henry's staff last Friday,and in my brief letter from Leeds,or as this brilliantly informative site tells...in case you have not yet visited it,heres the link again Click on external beam.
Well I have to say that the new heart pills are fantastic,I feel like a new man (where can I get one at this time of day...[Dick Emery voice]you are awful....but I like you )hahaha.Incase you are wondering they are Irbesarten and Clopidogrel... strange sounding names I agree but for the technically minded,they strengthen my heart,thin my blood,reduce my BP,and boy,do I feel so much better,the fluids are gone from my calves,ankles and feet,I can wear normal shoes,and my feet look their normal boney sinewy selfs after months of looking like swollen cushions lol,also the fluid seems gone from my lungs which means I can feel the starts of my cancer pains,but at least I am feeling alive,not sleeping exhausted or sat in my chair with my oxygen mask bringing me relief for hours on end.
Bless all scientists who struggle through University and colleges to learn enough to discover these new drugs,bless also,the parents of the students who struggle to support their childrens learnings,here is my public thank you,here too is a public thank you to my GP Doctor Ashley Davies of Settle Health Centre,what a bloody brilliant GP...thank you sir....
Right...I've bored you all enough,time for a cuppa,watch the news,shower then await hospital transport to Leeds...cheerio everyone,may your own Gods go with you
xPx
Its Wednesday,the day of the race has arrived at last and I am feeling a little apprehensive,the thoughts of the unknown,people to meet on my new treatment team,new machines to understand,new hopes of a cure....lets hope my prayers and the very many from my friends are answered.
Not sure if treatment starts today,or if,as I suspect,its the intoduction day as in the information given to me by Dr Henry's staff last Friday,and in my brief letter from Leeds,or as this brilliantly informative site tells...in case you have not yet visited it,heres the link again Click on external beam.
Well I have to say that the new heart pills are fantastic,I feel like a new man (where can I get one at this time of day...[Dick Emery voice]you are awful....but I like you )hahaha.Incase you are wondering they are Irbesarten and Clopidogrel... strange sounding names I agree but for the technically minded,they strengthen my heart,thin my blood,reduce my BP,and boy,do I feel so much better,the fluids are gone from my calves,ankles and feet,I can wear normal shoes,and my feet look their normal boney sinewy selfs after months of looking like swollen cushions lol,also the fluid seems gone from my lungs which means I can feel the starts of my cancer pains,but at least I am feeling alive,not sleeping exhausted or sat in my chair with my oxygen mask bringing me relief for hours on end.
Bless all scientists who struggle through University and colleges to learn enough to discover these new drugs,bless also,the parents of the students who struggle to support their childrens learnings,here is my public thank you,here too is a public thank you to my GP Doctor Ashley Davies of Settle Health Centre,what a bloody brilliant GP...thank you sir....
Right...I've bored you all enough,time for a cuppa,watch the news,shower then await hospital transport to Leeds...cheerio everyone,may your own Gods go with you
xPx
Friday, 13 June 2008
Met my Oncologist
Well,its Friday 13th,today I met my Oncologist today (specialist in tumours and cell mass),very clever lady,very informative,told me all that was planned,and that it takes time to set it all up as they intend to try intense radiotherapy as soon as its all in place.
It involves lots of technicians/doctors,nurses etc,and lasts 4 weeks,consisting of ray bombardment of the tumour on 5 consecutive days,2 days to rest to allow nearby 'good' cells chance to recover,for 4 weeks.
The treatment she hopes will be a success,and the win rate is 40%,the remainder,the tumour is stunted and shrunk,still a threat,but allowing more time in life then is at present predicted without treatment,which in my case,in April,was 6-9 months,so anything is a bonus.
She described all its ins and outs and merits and shortcomings,most are on this site for you to look through for information,there are links to all your questions on the left,interesting reading.
My friends will have realized by now,this blog is not about Me Me Me..its here for everyone who has the illness,or their friends,families,Im hoping,through my experiences,to shed lights on gloomy areas.
Heres the link Radiotherapy link click here
When I got home from Airedale,I expected a 2 week wait to set it all up as she described,which worried me into thinking "another month and my clocks ticking away" but when I arrived home,an appointment was waiting to get measured up on Wednesday...she is bringing in a Cardiologist as shes still very concerned over my weakened heart,so am I,so is my GP,who rang me later in the afternoon,to say he had sent a prescription to the chemists for new heart pills,please God they work.
Will keep you all posted,bless you all,you are all very important to me,even the strangers who E Mail me,thank you and bless you too
Paul
xx
It involves lots of technicians/doctors,nurses etc,and lasts 4 weeks,consisting of ray bombardment of the tumour on 5 consecutive days,2 days to rest to allow nearby 'good' cells chance to recover,for 4 weeks.
The treatment she hopes will be a success,and the win rate is 40%,the remainder,the tumour is stunted and shrunk,still a threat,but allowing more time in life then is at present predicted without treatment,which in my case,in April,was 6-9 months,so anything is a bonus.
She described all its ins and outs and merits and shortcomings,most are on this site for you to look through for information,there are links to all your questions on the left,interesting reading.
My friends will have realized by now,this blog is not about Me Me Me..its here for everyone who has the illness,or their friends,families,Im hoping,through my experiences,to shed lights on gloomy areas.
Heres the link Radiotherapy link click here
When I got home from Airedale,I expected a 2 week wait to set it all up as she described,which worried me into thinking "another month and my clocks ticking away" but when I arrived home,an appointment was waiting to get measured up on Wednesday...she is bringing in a Cardiologist as shes still very concerned over my weakened heart,so am I,so is my GP,who rang me later in the afternoon,to say he had sent a prescription to the chemists for new heart pills,please God they work.
Will keep you all posted,bless you all,you are all very important to me,even the strangers who E Mail me,thank you and bless you too
Paul
xx
Wednesday, 11 June 2008
I feel a poem coming on
How I feel
Am I yesterdays hero?,was Gene Pitney right?,
Do I cry my lonely days or cry my lonely night?,
I cared for people all my life,
To God, its plain to see,
And now a possible end draws near,
Selected, cares for me,
Do I want to see their hurt,their sadness and their tears?,
When I walk alone that path,that erases all my years,
Memories,I take with me,but lots and lots are bad,
But the good ones ,make up for the rest,with goodly times I've had,
So much I wanted,with my life,so much still to do,
If you are part of my muchness,then I am part of you.
xPaulx
Am I yesterdays hero?,was Gene Pitney right?,
Do I cry my lonely days or cry my lonely night?,
I cared for people all my life,
To God, its plain to see,
And now a possible end draws near,
Selected, cares for me,
Do I want to see their hurt,their sadness and their tears?,
When I walk alone that path,that erases all my years,
Memories,I take with me,but lots and lots are bad,
But the good ones ,make up for the rest,with goodly times I've had,
So much I wanted,with my life,so much still to do,
If you are part of my muchness,then I am part of you.
xPaulx
Monday, 9 June 2008
Monday June 9th Update
Hello people,
Today I had to visit my chest consultant,first time since the surgical disappointment,he was very disappointed for me,but,after listening to my chest etc,he said another course of action can be tried.
Not as successful as surgery,and my heart probs now restrict chemotherapy chemicals,so radiotherapy is next attempt.
I'm to see a Doctor Henry,a lady oncologist,on Friday,and she is to investigate the probability of starting intense radiotherapy.
Using my pet scans,and a computer they are able to guide the sight exactly where they want to administer treatment waves,to attempt kill off or dramatically reduce the tumour,if not to cure,then at least prolong my life expectancy...I'm, all for that.
It will be a daily blast of waves,for 1 month,hoping to do its expected job,if not,a small rest up,and do some more.
Then,just monitor tumour and if it gets cheeky again,blast it....there you have it...we have the technology...we can rebuild him...by the time they finish...will I be worth 6 million dollars,or just a funfair side show,with an illuminous willie.....if you visit,pays yer dollar,and wear shades hahahahaha
See thee
Today I had to visit my chest consultant,first time since the surgical disappointment,he was very disappointed for me,but,after listening to my chest etc,he said another course of action can be tried.
Not as successful as surgery,and my heart probs now restrict chemotherapy chemicals,so radiotherapy is next attempt.
I'm to see a Doctor Henry,a lady oncologist,on Friday,and she is to investigate the probability of starting intense radiotherapy.
Using my pet scans,and a computer they are able to guide the sight exactly where they want to administer treatment waves,to attempt kill off or dramatically reduce the tumour,if not to cure,then at least prolong my life expectancy...I'm, all for that.
It will be a daily blast of waves,for 1 month,hoping to do its expected job,if not,a small rest up,and do some more.
Then,just monitor tumour and if it gets cheeky again,blast it....there you have it...we have the technology...we can rebuild him...by the time they finish...will I be worth 6 million dollars,or just a funfair side show,with an illuminous willie.....if you visit,pays yer dollar,and wear shades hahahahaha
See thee
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
Just a passing remark
Im so over whelmed by all my friends thoughts and words and acts of kindness,after a lifetime of aloneness,its taken me this far to realize.
My church decorated the little prayer corner last Thursday knowing I would visit before Friday,they also arranged my rosary on the altar cross,they said prayers Friday for me,maybe the prayers were answered in a right decision being reached
One recently made friend has searched extensively for a certain plant seed,despite being ill,shes found one she wants to have me scatter on the little flower border behind my bench.
It flowers early May,and that of course is my birthday,the seeds are myasotis...otherwise known as Forget me nots.
There are far to many kindnesses to mention here,besides,its difficult typing when I cant see the keyboard cos my glasses are acting like dams for my tear ducts.
I guess its like most of you say,its only being such a nice guy that leaves a good impression,what goes around,comes around,I can only say I tried,and thank you so much.
A quote recently told....
" to be born a gentleman,is an accident.... to die a gentleman is an achievement".....at last....... I will have achieved something.........
Saturday, 31 May 2008
Home from 'Jimmies'
Well my friends,
Just got home from Jimmies (Leeds University Teaching hospital),my surgery was pencilled in for 830am,then...after tests yesterday,Mr Milton (the boss)was not happy with the results.
The heart echo sounder ( Ultra sound) detected a heart fault,they suspect at some time I have had a 'silent' heart attack,or 28 years of high blood pressure has caused a valve fault.... Theboss (Mr Milton) sought a strong set of second opinions from my team,even though,two weeks ago,he told me,one negative and I fail...he so wanted to help me.
He called the anaesthetist in to see me early today,and re pencilled in my operation as last on the list,so they could prepare for the worse (ie messing about unhurried).
They said it was looking more and more risky for me,and that they could take me to theatre,and without cutting,could simulate my body conditions as if in surgery,to measure risks,they could also,use the cardiologist from my team,to put maximum strain on my heart,to see its 'breaking' point under controlled conditions,They could also keyhole cut and simulate a lung removal with its associated stresses,but once opened up,no going back,the tumour is growing too near my heart and dont give enough ' clearance' as the boss says.
Anyway....Mr Brown the anaesthetist called at 630 am to chat....he took all the risks,and problems into account,and decided in favour of the rest of the teams decision.that they dont want to create a 'ghost' of a man,sat in a chair,with a oxygen mask,looking out of the window,at the hills he once climbed...(I said neither do I )...the chances were that following the operation,very shortly afterwards could be a respitory failure in the only half remaining of my right lung.
To that purpose,they all refused to risk the operation...they are writing my notes up with a recommendation for chemo and/or radiology....I agreed with them....Im a proud person as those of you who are close enough know and hate the thought of losing my independence and dignity.
So...the saga continues....I will keep you all updated
PS... on another ps,,, my correct oxygen machine was delivered Thursday by Kevin (Air Products UK Ltd) it works a treat,and its running costs are credited each quarter to my power account with EON.
A few of you asked me what a concentrator is so here is a link and you will see it http://www.airproducts.com/medical/UK/homecare/homecare3.html
Thanks everyone for the prayers/thoughts and support...you might not think they worked...but maybe,they helped a correct decision to be made and my life extended even by a few months...Thanks guys...your the bloody best.....
Just got home from Jimmies (Leeds University Teaching hospital),my surgery was pencilled in for 830am,then...after tests yesterday,Mr Milton (the boss)was not happy with the results.
The heart echo sounder ( Ultra sound) detected a heart fault,they suspect at some time I have had a 'silent' heart attack,or 28 years of high blood pressure has caused a valve fault.... Theboss (Mr Milton) sought a strong set of second opinions from my team,even though,two weeks ago,he told me,one negative and I fail...he so wanted to help me.
He called the anaesthetist in to see me early today,and re pencilled in my operation as last on the list,so they could prepare for the worse (ie messing about unhurried).
They said it was looking more and more risky for me,and that they could take me to theatre,and without cutting,could simulate my body conditions as if in surgery,to measure risks,they could also,use the cardiologist from my team,to put maximum strain on my heart,to see its 'breaking' point under controlled conditions,They could also keyhole cut and simulate a lung removal with its associated stresses,but once opened up,no going back,the tumour is growing too near my heart and dont give enough ' clearance' as the boss says.
Anyway....Mr Brown the anaesthetist called at 630 am to chat....he took all the risks,and problems into account,and decided in favour of the rest of the teams decision.that they dont want to create a 'ghost' of a man,sat in a chair,with a oxygen mask,looking out of the window,at the hills he once climbed...(I said neither do I )...the chances were that following the operation,very shortly afterwards could be a respitory failure in the only half remaining of my right lung.
To that purpose,they all refused to risk the operation...they are writing my notes up with a recommendation for chemo and/or radiology....I agreed with them....Im a proud person as those of you who are close enough know and hate the thought of losing my independence and dignity.
So...the saga continues....I will keep you all updated
PS... on another ps,,, my correct oxygen machine was delivered Thursday by Kevin (Air Products UK Ltd) it works a treat,and its running costs are credited each quarter to my power account with EON.
A few of you asked me what a concentrator is so here is a link and you will see it http://www.airproducts.com/medical/UK/homecare/homecare3.html
Thanks everyone for the prayers/thoughts and support...you might not think they worked...but maybe,they helped a correct decision to be made and my life extended even by a few months...Thanks guys...your the bloody best.....
Saturday, 24 May 2008
Saturday May 24th update
Well my friends,
I had my oxygen cylinder delivered this week,but due to a misunderstanding,they brought a cylinder (bottle) instead of a concentrator
A concentrator is similar to a small de humidifier,it takes atmosphere,scrubs it,removes C02 and creates oxygen,as and when needed.
They re-ordered and it should arrive this week,the company who do all the air work for the NHS are Air Products UK Ltd,their staff are all vetted and seem quite caring as well as efficient.So 10/10 to them,well done Kevin.
A few friends and aquaintances have asked if there is a video anywhere of the surgical procedure they are planning,well.... I have found a medical instructional video for the not so squeamish,the link is on todays update.
Its called a left Pneumonectomy,as I had a right upper lobectomy in 1980,which in those days was much more brutal lol.
Ok.... heres the link,I will update before the week ends Im sure,thanks again all of you for the cards,crystals,angels,angel feathers and the txt and telephone support,its been a god send,I love you all
http://anatomy.med.umich.edu/surgical_videos/pneumonectomy.html
ps if you click on the link,it will take you out of the blog,you will need to back arrow to return to the blog if you have not finished getting bored by me hahaha
Paul
xx
I had my oxygen cylinder delivered this week,but due to a misunderstanding,they brought a cylinder (bottle) instead of a concentrator
A concentrator is similar to a small de humidifier,it takes atmosphere,scrubs it,removes C02 and creates oxygen,as and when needed.
They re-ordered and it should arrive this week,the company who do all the air work for the NHS are Air Products UK Ltd,their staff are all vetted and seem quite caring as well as efficient.So 10/10 to them,well done Kevin.
A few friends and aquaintances have asked if there is a video anywhere of the surgical procedure they are planning,well.... I have found a medical instructional video for the not so squeamish,the link is on todays update.
Its called a left Pneumonectomy,as I had a right upper lobectomy in 1980,which in those days was much more brutal lol.
Ok.... heres the link,I will update before the week ends Im sure,thanks again all of you for the cards,crystals,angels,angel feathers and the txt and telephone support,its been a god send,I love you all
http://anatomy.med.umich.edu/surgical_videos/pneumonectomy.html
ps if you click on the link,it will take you out of the blog,you will need to back arrow to return to the blog if you have not finished getting bored by me hahaha
Paul
xx
Wednesday, 14 May 2008
Wednesday 14th May 2008 update
Well my friends,The dedication plate was delivered today,and,as a few of you wanted to see it,here is what it looks like.
Hope its a long time before its fixed to the railway station bench.
You can see the reflection of the old style gas lamp on one picture,above the bench,the other picture shows it being held in place on the back rest of the bench,I am reassured that the finger prints on the brass will be polished off when fitted hahaha.
Friday, 9 May 2008
Friday May 9th update
Hello everyone,
Just having a cup of tea,1730 and been out since 0755 this morning,I went to see the Chest surgeon Mr Milton.
What a nice guy,put me right at ease...he explained he was not prepared to take the risk on me having a poor quality of life if he removed the left lung,it would mean only half a lung supporting me.
He agreed I look fit enough to operate on,and that I looked after myself with a healthy life,so...he wanted lots of tests done,he knows I had them all done at another hospital,but he has confidence in his own team,own equipment,own interpretations of readings,so I went through 9 tests in 5 departments.
He told me,in a few weeks time,he wants me to do them all again,and...if hes happy,and his team are happy,hes going to try to remove the left lung and 'nip' off the artery....if I agree.
He said surgery today is not as barbaric as what I had on my right lung in 1980,and apart from that...hes a better surgeon then the late K.K.Nair who performed my right thoracic,with lots of post op problems such as drain pipes ripped on on stretcher hook ups,inserting another drain only to find it was a catheter and they should have not even BEEN on a thoracic ward,,,, still it was fun at the time watching a student nurse faint onto the foot of my bed and be carried out in the fresh air.
I have so many stories....if only you all knew.
Anyway....for obvious reasons,I am not going to state the dates on here of possible surgery,or the hospital I will be admitted to...suffice that my very close friends know in person not from reading my blog.
I feel more positive...thank you all for the thoughts,emails,angel feathers,angels,crystals,cards etc etc etc,,,it warms me so much and I love you all..........................
I also asked my surgeon...did you choose surgery cos you wanted to heal people,or for the money....he said theres no money in thoracic surgery....he got hooked as a lad watching Quincy on telly....but decided it would be nicer operating on living people not forensic cadavers....I said thats all I wanted to know.......he said dont fret...Im going to save your life.....I smiled...shook his hand and said.....see thee......
Just having a cup of tea,1730 and been out since 0755 this morning,I went to see the Chest surgeon Mr Milton.
What a nice guy,put me right at ease...he explained he was not prepared to take the risk on me having a poor quality of life if he removed the left lung,it would mean only half a lung supporting me.
He agreed I look fit enough to operate on,and that I looked after myself with a healthy life,so...he wanted lots of tests done,he knows I had them all done at another hospital,but he has confidence in his own team,own equipment,own interpretations of readings,so I went through 9 tests in 5 departments.
He told me,in a few weeks time,he wants me to do them all again,and...if hes happy,and his team are happy,hes going to try to remove the left lung and 'nip' off the artery....if I agree.
He said surgery today is not as barbaric as what I had on my right lung in 1980,and apart from that...hes a better surgeon then the late K.K.Nair who performed my right thoracic,with lots of post op problems such as drain pipes ripped on on stretcher hook ups,inserting another drain only to find it was a catheter and they should have not even BEEN on a thoracic ward,,,, still it was fun at the time watching a student nurse faint onto the foot of my bed and be carried out in the fresh air.
I have so many stories....if only you all knew.
Anyway....for obvious reasons,I am not going to state the dates on here of possible surgery,or the hospital I will be admitted to...suffice that my very close friends know in person not from reading my blog.
I feel more positive...thank you all for the thoughts,emails,angel feathers,angels,crystals,cards etc etc etc,,,it warms me so much and I love you all..........................
I also asked my surgeon...did you choose surgery cos you wanted to heal people,or for the money....he said theres no money in thoracic surgery....he got hooked as a lad watching Quincy on telly....but decided it would be nicer operating on living people not forensic cadavers....I said thats all I wanted to know.......he said dont fret...Im going to save your life.....I smiled...shook his hand and said.....see thee......
Monday, 5 May 2008
Mayday Bank holiday,the bench and some of its views
Well..... its been not too bad a few days,some nights I slept,some nights I never....but the goodness I feel from my friends contacting me is the best I have ever felt in my life....I thank you all from the very depths of my heart.
I have been thinking this past few days,of an idea I had a while ago,long before this health problem started.
I was hiking up on the old highway,top of Constitution Hill,very steep climb,and in a short space of time,you are leaning on a dry stone wall,looking down over Settle,my church,and the beautiful countryside,with the Lake district hills in the distance.
I remember saying,if I die,I would like a bench up here along with a few others who had had the same idea.
Well.... now all this health scare started,I decided to find out more,and e mailed Settle Town Clerk,the replies pointed out facts of council liability,insurance,specifications this that and the other,and a sum in the region of £1600 or there abouts....I only wanted a dedication plaque or something.
Then...on Saturday,awaiting a train,as usual,sat on my usual bench on Settles beautiful village Station,it suddenly occured to me,some benches had dedication plaques on them!!!!!!
I asked Geoff,one of the volunteers who keep our station immaculate,and he told me its practically free and who to contact....the results being...after a few emails to the (FOSCL) Friends Of Settle Carlisle Line,I have arranged a brass plaque for the bench I usually wait at,either sitting or pacing impatiently,awaiting a train.....its the seat on the left,as you pass underneath the overtrack bridge,on the South bound to Leeds platform,it is positioned in front of a modified old fashioned street lamp which stands in a flower border,(ample space for birthday flowers lol)
The plaque will read ...
PAUL A TAYLOR
SIT WITH ME AWHILE,MY FRIENDS,
FOR I HAVE REACHED THE END OF THE LINE.
SIT WITH ME AWHILE,MY FRIENDS,
FOR I HAVE REACHED THE END OF THE LINE.
I hope all my friends will remember where it is when they visit Settle walking.x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
