Monday 19th January,New year,2009

Hello everyone,
Oh well...first visit to the chest consultant this year was today,I had to tell him about pains in my back and neck,breathlessness returning,both arms pins and needles,pain in ribs and chest and feeling bruised on the side of neck similar to tonsilitis.
I had new chest X rays due which were taken,they showed lots more clouding which Mr Raashed was not to happy with.
He told me the radical intense radio therapy last year we all knew about the collateral damage it would do,my gullet is still causing me nausea,and so the clouding he said,lots were scaring and fibrosis hardening through RT,but he didn't really like the look or the amount of it in conjunction with the other returning symptoms.
I could tell by his attitude also...last year it was " we will give you intense radiotherapy to kill it,keep your faith"...today was " well,surgery would have helped a lot more,but you were too weak to have it,plus there was heart damage to a valve,plus a tumour growing parallel to the main artery...so we had to do RT,which we all knew was only 40% chance of success". HUH !

Anyway...he arranged a CT scan in the next 2 weeks if I wanted it,plus he examined my neck telling me there was swollen lymph glands,which he wasn't happy with and asked if he could arrange a needle biopsy at same time as the scan,I agreed of course.
He said,he will see me in 3 weeks,and see the results of CT/biopsy,and then arrange for me to be admitted again overnight for a bronchoscope again,same as I had before,the one which produced the picture of the tumour sat in my left bronchii which is on this blog earlier.

Well my friends,thanks so much for all your thoughts,cards and prayers,they really do mean so much,please dont think I am letting you down...I really really am trying and eating healthily etc...fingers crossed.

I have,since last year,kept mental stepping stones,to aim for in this dangerous river I find myself trying to navigate.
I wanted to kick Autumn leaves again...kick snow again...toast my Christmas day turkey with a small malt....see the new year in.... see the first black president sworn into office...ok so far..... I'm starting to get to a point of,thank you God I awoke this morning...I suppose we all get like this at times.

Its lovely knowing you are all there for me.....tarra for now........... Dont cry for me Argentina....